How Do You Find Meaning and Purpose Outside LDS Church or Religion?

A common fear when questioning or leaving the LDS church is that without the Church there will be no meaning, purpose, morals, or values. Often there is an underlying stench that without the church there will be nowhere to go except to a cynical nihilistic viewpoint where one is inevitably bound for a sense of meaninglessness and depression. Church leadership plays to this fear. For example, it’s playing to this fear when M. Russell Ballard said, “If you choose to become inactive or to leave the restored Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, where will you go? What will you do?” This hints that feeling lost and aimless as being an inevitable outcome. This, of course, is not supported by evidence. Greater than 99% of the world are not active Mormons. And yet we can see many people outside the religion live happy, fulfilling lives with community and family. To paint Mormonism as the only path to happiness and meaning is arrogant and ignorant. Spending time with others outside the religion, asking them about their life goals, meaning, and purpose is the quickest way to dispel this idea.

1. A lot can get wrapped up in “Meaning and Purpose” that is more tangentially related to Meaning and Purpose.

Being part of a church can give someone a calling, a community, a blueprint for decisions, and a sense of importance. Sometimes when faced with a faith crisis it can feel like one is losing “meaning and purpose” when what is really meant is that there is a feeling of loss of suddenly finding oneself outside the community, no longer being able to feel like one of the chosen few, and missing a church job where one felt important. These are tangentially related, but more toward missing connection and no longer feeling part of a greater purpose. Those should be addressed separately, but probably at the same time, when feeling a loss of meaning and purpose.

2. Being in the Church can be Meaningful

Being active in a church often comes with perks, such as providing connection with other members, a sense of importance with roles within the church, and a clear ultimate purpose and path to try to work toward (i.e. reach the Celestial Kingdom). With everything packaged together, contemplating stepping away from religion can bring a sense of losing one’s foundation. It's normal to feel lost when stepping away from a life philosophy that provided structure. It can also be hard that two different things which come as a package in the church can become conflated as a single item, but these can be independent: (1) meaning/purpose and (2) community. Finding new ways to bring meaning and purpose into your life is a journey and can take time. Religion can offer meaning (and community), but it's not the only source.

3. Meaning and Purpose Can Be Found in Things That Are Not True

Truth is what conforms to reality. While there are certainly things that are true that cannot yet be demonstrated; things that cannot be demonstrated do not enjoy elevated status as true until proven otherwise. Belief that contradicts what is demonstrable must be discarded in whole or in part. Broadly, Truth is what can be shown to be true, preferably through multiple forms of evidence, anything else is “could be, but I don’t know and therefore do not deign to assert.” Intuition, common sense, and emotional experience do not necessitate truth. Evidence validates intuition not the other way around.

I wish to believe as many true things and as few false things as possible, Belief is very important. Belief informs actions. Having beliefs based on reliable evidence will result in action that is consistent with reality. For example - if there is an afterlife, then performing actions in line with positive eternal outcomes is essential. If there is no afterlife, then actions in pursuit of that false goal that reduce the positive outcomes in present life are a pernicious waste of time/resources. Belief will inform how you think, act, and view the world. For example, belief that all will be made right in eternity might allow for continued apathy toward present suffering and possibly is the cause for greater unnecessary suffering.

There are plenty of things within the LDS church that can give a person a great sense of meaning and purpose, such as researching genealogy for the sole purpose of finding names to do temple work for. If this is true, then that is a glorious purpose. However, if it is false, it is a terrible waste of time and resources.

The best and most effective meaning and purpose in life should align with truth. This is especially the case if you have a value that truth is important. And if you don’t have truth as a value, why not? How can you make effective decisions if you are not taking reality into account?

4. How you View Truth Can One Day Effect How You View the Meaning and Purpose the LDS Church Provides.

When beginning discussions about church with believers, I often like to get a temperature read of how they view truth. Three questions that help include:

1. If the church was not true (or not what it claimed to be), would you want to know?

This is a great barometer question, because right off the bat if the person says “No”, then this should really be the place to end the conversation, because sharing facts about the church could potentially point out reasons the church is not true, which would be antithetical to their goals. If they say “Yes”, then this is another opportunity to point out an overlap in beliefs and share what was important to me. For example, I usually share what my thoughts were, such as “I asked myself this first question when I got started doing my deep dive into history and answered something like this: Yes, I would want to know. I believe this is God's divine church and researching truth shouldn't harm or ruin my testimony. In the end, I will hopefully know the truth and it will set me free of my concerns. Currently I have many questions and I believe the answers are available if I search. To me, the church being true was the most important part of church. I was attending because it was the one and only true church on the face of the earth. I didn’t sign up for a club or a nice organization. I was there because it was true."

2. If the church was not true (or not what it claimed to be), how would you know?

Again, I find this a great barometer question, because sometimes the first question is a knee jerk “Yes”, but then some respond to the second question with “There is no way.” Or “It’s true, so that’s impossible.” Or “You’d have to show me [something impossible, like the bones of Christ]”. That is a pretty good indication that their answer to the first question is “No.” If that’s the case, I go back and again share that talking about facts related to the church may be antithetical to their goals, so it may be a good place to stop talking about the church. Here’s how I explained it to one person: “If something is unfalsifiable, why even study the evidence? It might lead to unnecessary pain. For some, even if the prophet and apostles were all to stand up and say the church was false that wouldn't change their minds. But it might cause annoyance and anger. I can discuss and provide resources of what I studied, but I'd rather not be shot as the messenger. Question two is about understanding whether evidence matters to someone. If there is nothing factual that can change their mind about something, why even look at the evidence? I suppose curiosity is one reason, but usually I've found when someone is saying that there is no evidence it isn't about curiosity but is instead just saying that they don't want to know.”

3. If the church was not true (or not what it claimed to be), when would you want to know?

This third question is highlighting when the person believes they should follow truth. If the person sees value in knowing sooner rather than later, it may make sense for that person to do their investigating of the church and its truth claims early. Wouldn’t it be best to know before making major life decisions (mission, marriage, children, etc.)? That is when they may want to pick up the CES Letter and the rebuttals, or dive into the history books, or find other ways to understand the issues and facts related to those issues.

What is the point of religion? What is the point of belief? If there is an afterlife, then performing actions in line with positive eternal outcomes is essential. If there is no afterlife, then those actions are pointless and possibly detrimental. Different religions have different criteria for salvation, many of which are in direct conflict with claims of other religions. Religion is making very specific claims and attaching consequences—if their claims are correct. Consequences that should be feared, IF the claims are correct and subsequently rejected. Truth has to come in somewhere. With religion, I think there is always at least a subtext that truth matters and one should live truth. I’d say normally the claim of religion is that they have access to the whole truth and often the hidden truth, but certainly the most important truth. For some members, truth is of paramount importance. For others, it is lower on the list because the utility of the church, such as community or social pressure, is more important. For those that believe truth is important it will bother them when they find information which contradict the truth claims of the church. If they continue to spend time researching the truth claims of the church it could lead to a faith crisis and eventually deciding the truth claims of the church are false. Once that happens the person can no longer have belief in the major truth claims of the church.

5. Meaning and Purpose are never accepted without belief.

Most of us do not consciously decide what we’re going to believe. And yet, we treat our beliefs as if they’re realities, as if they are the gospel truth. We rarely, if ever, question our long-held beliefs. This usually includes a lot of the indoctrination we’ve had throughout life. If one picks up a belief that meaning and purpose can only be found inside one particular religion, that will shape action and thoughts about what it means to find meaning and purpose. Nothing in life has any meaning except the meaning you give it. So, the trick is to make sure that you consciously choose the meanings that are most in alignment with the purpose you’ve chosen for yourself.

6. Belief is not a choice
I fear the issue with trying to use Mormonism to find meaning after a faith crisis is as Alan Watts said, "Once there is the suspicion that a religion is a myth, its power has gone. It may be necessary for man to have a myth, but he cannot self-consciously prescribe one as he can mix a pill for a headache. A myth can only ‘work’ when it is thought to be truth, and man cannot for long knowingly and intentionally ‘kid’ himself." Not to say one that has a faith crisis or no longer believes the church is true can't still find meaning and purpose inside a Mormon Church, but I highly doubt it will look the same as it once did. Whatever a person pursues it has to resonate deep with them, otherwise it's eventually going to feel hollow and inauthentic. Once they don’t believe the church is true, the ultimate meaning and purpose the church gives no longer works. And there is no way to make one believe in the Mormon Celestial kingdom again. Deep down the person will know it is pretend. One can’t just force themselves to believe in things. It’s a process that we automatically go through after hearing evidence, applying logic, and taking time to consider things. It’s not as simple as picking up a book from the shelf. If so, missionary work would look very different.

7. Trying to ignore belief change is where suffering thrives

As Brianna West in 101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think put it, “People delay action once they know truth—and the interim between knowing and doing is the space where suffering thrives. Most of the time, it’s not about not knowing what to do (or not knowing who you are). It’s about the resistance between what’s right and what’s easy, what’s best in the long v. short term. We hear our instincts; we just don’t listen. This is the single most common root of discomfort: the space between knowing and doing. We’re culturally addicted to procrastination, but we’re also just as enamored by deflection. By not acting immediately, we think we’re creating space for the truth to shift, when we’re really only creating discomfort so that we can sense it more completely (though we’re suffering needlessly in the process).”

In regards to Meaning and Purpose, this is trying to cling to the blueprint the church has put on while deep down knowing that one no longer believes. Down that road is painful cognitive dissonance.

8. Religion Does Not Guarantee Meaning.

Again, it comes down to personal interpretation and whether something is meaningful in a person's life. That stems from belief. One has to believe what the religion offers is true and pick up that meaning before it is useful. If one doesn’t believe the member can’t just accept the meaning and incorporate it into their lives. It won’t work for them.

If one isn’t sure whether the religion is giving them meaning, I’d guess it’s an indication that they aren’t sure the religion is true. To better grasp or let go of church meaning, one needs to find what will move their belief in either direction. That is the time the member should ask, “What piece of evidence would I find compelling that after finding would move my belief in the church (either strengthening or weakening)?” One follows the other. If one believes that the church is the one and only true church, it leads that they will find purpose and meaning in the church’s directives. If one does not believe that the truth claims of the church hold up to scrutiny, then the church’s directives will likely have little effect on the person's meaning and purpose, beyond perhaps how it effects other areas of life such as relationships and social circles.

The secret, however, is even if the religion prescribes how one should think, act, and feel, ultimately the person is the one that has to believe and decide to accept that meaning. Because ultimately meaning and purpose is still self-derived.

9. Even with Religions Given Meaning and Purpose, It Can Still Be Ineffective to A Good Life

Even having some eternal reward can still leave a member feeling the religion is irrelevant, dull, oppressive, or insipid in their day to day lives.

In 1955, Rabbi Abraham Heschel discussed what he saw as one of the reasons for the decline of religion in the twentieth century. He said, “It is customary to blame secular science and anti-religious philosophy for the eclipse of religion in modern society. It would be more honest to blame religion for its own defeats. Religion declined not because it was refuted, but because it became irrelevant, dull, oppressive, insipid. When faith is completely replaced by creed, worship by discipline, love by habit; when the crisis of today is ignored because of the splendor of the past; when faith becomes an heirloom rather than a living fountain; when religion speaks only in the name of authority rather than with the voice of compassion—its message becomes meaningless.”

10. Because Belief is Required, When One Has a Faith Crisis It Can Lead to a Meaning Crisis as Well

“If a man knows not to which port he sails, no wind is favorable.”
—SENECA

In How Minds Change by David McRaney it describes it like this, “…we avoid at all costs the catastrophic results of nonchalantly tossing out our old worldviews and identities. Without a strong lattice, our beliefs, attitudes, and values fall away. We lose our sense of meaning and find ourselves standing naked before the world in total bewilderment. Still, total reboots of the self are sometimes unavoidable, and when that happens, in the aftermath, daily life can be intensely traumatic. In such a crisis, everything seems anomalous… Post-traumatic growth is the rapid mind change that comes to a person after a sudden, far-reaching challenge to the accuracy of their assumptive world. When our assumptions completely fail us, the brain enters a state of epistemic emergency. To move forward, to regain a sense of control and certainty, you realize some of your knowledge, beliefs, and attitudes must change, but you aren’t sure which. What is clear, however, is there’s no option to continue as if your current models are true, so you enter a state of active learning in which you immediately and constantly consider other perspectives, honestly assess your weaknesses, and work to change your behaviors to resolve the crisis. In the end, so many of the facts, beliefs, and attitudes that populated your old models of reality are replaced that your very self changes. This process is automatic. No one chooses to seek meaning after trauma or to grow a new self in its aftermath. It’s a biological switch, a survival mechanism that comes online when needed.”

11. After a Meaning Crisis, A Freedom Can Emerge

After a faith crisis, generally it leads to a time where a person is absorbing massive amounts of information from many different, often conflicting, sources. It might be a time of swirling indecision and confusion. After the storm comes the calm. There can come a realization that your life is a blank canvas. You have the freedom to choose the meaning and purpose of your existence. Life becomes an opportunity to exist on your terms, unbound by religious, familial, or cultural expectations. It can be a gift to realize that after a lifetime of seeking direction for your life from scriptures, Patriarchal Blessings, church leaders, and perhaps even God, you finally have permission to get guidance from yourself. With meaning no longer imposed from an outside source, freedom to create it for ourselves emerges.

12. Church tries to paint things as either life has meaning or there is nothing but depressing, cynical type of nihilism. This is a false dichotomy.

The Dalai Lama said, “Fortunately, there is now a reasonably substantial body of evidence in evolutionary biology, neuroscience, and other fields suggesting that, even from the most rigorous scientific perspective, unselfishness and concern for others are not only in our own interests but also, in a sense, innate to our biological nature. Such evidence, when combined with reflection on our personal experiences and coupled with simple common sense, can, I believe, offer a strong case for the benefits of cultivating basic human values that does not rely on religious principles or faith at all. And this I welcome.”

We have a shared humanity and our shared aspiration to happiness and avoiding suffering. We also have a deep interdependence. These alone are enough to develop a genuine concern for others’ welfare. This is enough to reject a cynical nihilism worldview and instead establish ethical awareness and cultivate inner values. Through values we gain a sense of connection with others, and by it move beyond narrow self-interest and find meaning, purpose, and satisfaction in life. Again I fall with the Dalai Lama on this one, “For those whose religious belief is so closely tied to ethical practice, it is hard to conceive of one without the other. For those who believe that truth requires God, God alone can make ethics binding. Without God as the guarantor, they suggest, there is at best only relative truth, so that what is true for one person may not be true for another. And in this situation there is no basis for distinguishing right from wrong, for evaluating good and bad, or for restraining selfish and destructive impulses and cultivating inner values. While I fully respect this point of view, it is not one I share. I do not agree that ethics requires grounding in religious concepts or faith. Instead, I firmly believe that ethics can also emerge simply as a natural and rational response to our very humanity and our common human condition.”

13. Just because a religion is willing to give an ultimate goal, this does not mean it will resonate with you.

Within a religion the pathway and goals are one size fits all. However, if a member does not feel like something is the right path for them or that the ultimate goals doesn’t resonate, they are left with what to do with this information. For example, what if a woman doesn’t want children. Having the ultimate purpose being to provide spirit children in heaven for eternity may not resonate.

When something feels off to a member, they sometimes try to suppress the feelings they have when it comes up. And that is where suffering often comes into play, because suffering often stems from refusing to accept what is. Instead those thoughts and feelings are stuffed inside. Members may try to instead value other people’s acceptance over their own. But that inevitably leads to battling your own wants, desires, and instinct in exchange to live up to other people’s egos, wants, and desires.

14. Just because a religion is willing to give an ultimate goal, this does not mean it can’t be found in other places or in another goal.

Anthropologists estimate that at least 18,000 Gods, goddesses, and various animals or objects have been worshipped. Many of these with conflicting teachings, including meaning and purpose. There are also those who don’t believe in any God. And yet, the evidence does not support any conclusion that meaning and purpose are only found in one religion.

15. Meaning and purpose have been topics of philosophy and psychology for millennia. Ultimately, meaning and purpose can be found many places. A person can find it or create it for themselves.

Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist, offers a viewpoint in his book Man's Search for Meaning. Frankl posits that the primary human drive is not pleasure (as Freud suggested) or power (as Adler believed) but the pursuit of meaning. He writes, "The meaning of life, is to give life meaning." Frankl found that even in the most horrific conditions, individuals could find meaning through love, work, and suffering.

People derive meaning from lots of sources, such as:
1. Relationships and Connection with Family, Friends, and Community:
o “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” – Mahatma Gandhi
2. Personal Growth:
o “The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
3. Contributing to Society:
o “The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.” – Pablo Picasso
4. Passions and Hobbies.
Even Monty Python threw in their thoughts on the meaning of life, “Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations.”

Buddhist and Stoic philosophy and positive psychology principles resonate with me. I think a fulfilling life is about finding a sense of purpose that resonates with our values and aspirations. Identifying and living by our core values can bring deeper satisfaction and joy.

I don’t understand believing that one must become a God or live for eternity, otherwise life has no purpose. Does our impact on friends and family have no purpose? The work you do? The love you put out in the world? We are all part of a greater whole. Our actions ripple outward and touch others. Yet so many want to downplay all of the meaning that life has and sometimes even give up the one life we truly know about in pursuit of some future life meaning they can’t even guarantee. A quote I saw online said, “Better to have lived in truth and discovered life than to have lived half-hearted and died long before you ever ceased breathing.”

I think life has a lot of meaning, but I do also like this quote from Joseph Campbell, "Life has no meaning. Each of us has meaning, and we bring it to life. It is a waste to be asking the question when you are the answer."

In The Power of Meaning by Emily Esfahani Smith, the first chapter has this quote "With meaning no longer imposed on us from an outside source, we have the freedom to create it for ourselves." Without someone or something telling us what we are supposed to do, we suddenly have more meaning to make our lives (even if they are short) meaningful to us and for others within our sphere of influence. We have freedom! We enjoy the moments and do good things, because that is the person we want to be and what we want to do - not because it is part of a grand scheme that we have to follow. We can make our limited existence beautiful and powerful and purposeful.

16. It’s valuable to take an honest account of what you actually like and dislike. Especially if it can be done in the moment.

If nothing else, a beginning foundation to build meaning on is knowing that we matter. Our lives matter to others, others care about us, and we in turn care about them. There are lots of ways to build meaning wherever you are. Here are some ideas that I’ve used to help find meaning and purpose:

1. Explore Values and Interests:
• Define Your Values: Reflect on what really matters to you. What are your core values and beliefs? What teachings resonate with you and which deter you? Understanding these can guide your decisions and provide direction.
• Explore Different Philosophies: Consider exploring various philosophies. I like Stoicism, Buddhism, and Secular Humanism, which focus on living with compassion.
• Set Personal Goals: Work toward goals to create a sense of achievement and progress.
• Pursue Passions: Engage in hobbies and interests you love or have always wanted to try.
• Skill Development: Take courses or workshops to develop new skills and meet people with similar interests.
2. Community and Connection:
• Join New Social Groups: Look for local clubs, groups, or organizations that align with your interests, like book clubs, sports teams, or volunteer groups.
• Volunteering: Give back to the community, which can bring satisfaction and a sense of purpose.
3. Personal Growth and Reflection:
• Mindfulness and Meditation: Practices like meditation, mindfulness, or yoga can help you stay grounded and find inner peace.
• Journaling: Write down your thoughts and experiences to reflect and track your growth.
4. Relationships and Support:
• Family and Friends: Meaningful connections with loved ones can provide a strong foundation of support.
• Support Groups: Join groups where you can share experiences with others on similar journeys. Knowing you're not alone can be comforting. Utah is a hot bed of post-Mormon and nuanced Mormon communities. The website MormonSpectrum.org has a map that shows local groups. There are also online groups.
5. Experiment and Reflect:
• Try New Activities: Experiment with different activities and reflect on what brings positive feelings. Keep a journal to identify patterns and make informed decisions about where to invest your time and energy.
• Open Conversations: Have honest conversations with those you trust about your feelings and experiences to gain new perspectives.

Doing the things on this list is what helped me find meaning and purpose. I also have daily practices like trying to do a good turn daily, reading good books, mindfulness practices, etc. that I find useful. I'm just starting to find more community. That is the piece that I think has been my lowest priority, but I’ve decided to make it a higher priority this year. So far, I’m making more inroads that I hope will grow to real friendships. Your purpose and meaning can be connected with a church community, but these can also be separate things.

17. An Authentic Community Can Be Better Than One of Inauthenticity

Being part of a religious community is great, but finding your own community of people who love you regardless of belief is even better. Similarly, having a belief system that includes a meaning and purpose that resonates with you personally will be more powerful than trying to hide among a social circle and try to pretend belief in a religious purpose and meaning that no longer is seen as true.

18. Purpose and Joy are Both Needed

Pursuing purpose at the expense of joy can come to feel like drudgery even if what you’re doing is worthwhile and meaningful. Pursuing happiness without purpose can ultimately feel superficial. Lacking both joy and purpose leads to languishing and maybe even misery. Joy plus purpose leads to flourishing. Purpose can evolve out of becoming very intentional and thoughtful about what you want to do and what brings you joy. The best way to know what is bringing joy is to track it and pay attention. Purpose can come from many aspects of life, including hobbies, interests, and relationships. One way to begin to sort out everything and become intentional and thoughtful is to look back and acknowledge your life decisions. This might even include the regrets and dissatisfactions, and what these have taught you. Tracking and reviewing your journal, noticing the emotional peaks and valleys, and paying close attention to the contexts and activities that brought you the greatest joy can also reveal clues to possible feelings of purpose.

19. Tracking Activities and Emotions Can Provide Data if Something is Moving You in the Direction You Want

I find a lot of value in tracking my activities (general description), mood during or resulting from the activity (5 - Happy to 1 - Awful), category of activity (exercise, church, date, kids activity, work, writing, etc), and any notes such as what I learned or things I want to remember, etc. I started with a spreadsheet, but switched to the app Daylio and prefer that for the convenience.

Then once a month I try to look back and see what patterns I can find. Is there a particular activity that is consistently resulting in a 4 or 5 mood? Does a particular place often result in a lower score? That kind of thing. Then once a year I do a full year review to try to answer what 20% of activities produced say 80% of my top happiness? (or you could use the same question with locations, people, or whatever else you are tracking). I then try to schedule more of those activities for the year. Then I try to answer what 20% of activities produced 80% of my unhappiness? Those I try to see if I can eliminate or reduce as much as possible, ideally providing more time for the top activities.

Keeping a log helps when making decisions of how to engage and what is really working and not working. If you find that doing something is a net positive, I’d say continue, however if not I recommend you look at changing something. When I was Ward Executive Secretary as a physically in-mentally out member and later being active in various ex-Mormon and nuanced Mormon circles, I’ve seen lots of variations of what works for people. Not all includes leaving the church completely, although that is obviously a solution as well. Some include full activity, but with ways that worked for them mentally, such as being openly disbelieving. Some include partial activity. Some included no activity.

There are lots of permutations of ways to engage or not engage. But members often fail to monitor how they feel and what is good for their own mental health and refuse to consider alternatives. Instead, they are told how they are supposed to feel and then months or years later look back with a foggy memory and decide it must be like how the leaders said it was, but once they reengage, they remember once again why they took a break in the first place. I’ve also seen members beat themselves up when they continue to try to beat their head against the wall, disappointed that it continually is not working like they are told. I’ve also seen where a non-believer continues to engage with church when it is unhealthy for them, eventually over the years bringing bitterness and resentment toward feeling forced to engage in something that was not good for them.

20. One of the most important concepts that has made the greatest impact on my life is the 80/20 principle or 80/20 rule.

The 80/20 rule states that 80% of outcomes results from 20% of causes. A great book that covers this is “Living the 80/20 Way” by Richard Koch. This can apply to a lot of areas of life. For example, 80% of your meaning and value from friendship likely comes from about 20% of your friends & acquaintances. On the other hand, 80% of your frustrations or boredom or negativity with friendship likely comes from about 20% of your friends & acquaintances. A simple way to get more juice is to eliminate or reduce as much as possible the time with the most negative 20% and instead actively seek spending more time with the highest 20%. The Principle is pointing out that very few things matter at all; but those that do matter enormously.
From the book, “If you are exceptionally selective and find the few things that matter deeply to you, life acquires a purpose and meaning way beyond what it had previously, when you were somewhat concerned about a large number of issues. So who and what do you want to become? If you strip away all the acting and all the role-related trappings, who is the authentic you? What is your best 20 percent? Can you limit what you’re trying to become and do, down to the essentials that really matter?”

A good way to start to figure this out is to look at those times that you’ve seen as your highest 20% spikes. Our lives are most enjoyable and valuable when we are driven by the few things that excite us.

What matters is how and why we do what we do. Anything that gives meaning to our life or happiness is precious. But to drift aimlessly through life, without being happy or making other people happy, without realizing the best of what we could become is a waste. And the best way to be aware of this is to track how things are actually working in the moment.
Life has to align with values and what matters most, otherwise life often stops feeling meaningful or satisfying. Understanding the kind of person you want to be and how you want to live your life, how you want to contribute to the world, is the road you want to stay close to. When you know exactly who you are and who you want to be, it is much easier to choose which criticisms to take on board and which ones to let go.